I realize that the hectic start to my week has made this
post late: my reflections on Sunday’s challenge to “have realistic
expectations” (Behen 6). I’ll play some
“catch up” and be back on track soon.
I thought and thought and thought, but came up with nothing.
I think everything I expect of my husband
is completely realistic, was my conclusion. I needed a man’s reflections,
so I asked my husband. He loves a back rub; I love quality conversation, so I
bribed him. (Note: it can be hard to get deep thoughts from your husband while you rub his tired shoulders; he
tends to zone out.)
Despite the relaxation distraction, Jay came up with several
good things he thinks some women shouldn’t, but sometimes do, expect their
husbands to do:
- Give her everything she
wants,
- Know everything she is
thinking and needing and wanting,
- Change after marriage,
- Focus all energies on her,
and
- Not need friendships outside of hers.
The hopes above paint the portrait of a money-factory,
mind-reading, chameleon, never-sleeping, lonely fellow.
But a conversation with a friend tonight got me thinking
about movies and their direct link to today’s topic. The buzz about Magic Mike is endless these days: the
praise, the condemnation, the “it’s about time” comments. Does this film with
Tatum Channing / Channing Tatum (I never remember which comes first.) dancing
provocatively around in his skivvies give women unrealistic expectations of
their husbands?
The question has caused an uproar for some; however, I’d
like to light another fire. What about Nicolas Sparks? What about all those
chick flicks? Are we not told by these films that wild romantic feelings should
run full-force through our entire relationships? Forget that hope he will change after marriage; these movies
tell us his mad love will remain mad forever: it will never change. And if he does something stupid, and you raise a
protest, he’ll buy you the guitar you’ve always dreamed of, write you a
beautiful love song and sing it to you over the speaker in an airplane—do whatever
it takes to win you back (what I call the endless loop of the “grand gesture
cycle”).
Maybe watching a hot guy in leather chaps isn’t the only
possible distraction from realistic, lasting love. I'm not trying to point fingers, just to point out that the pointing can go in multiple directions. What's your distraction? I think it’s time for all of
us to see what’s holding us back from loving our men as they are now while loving them towards the man they are made to
be.
Secret # 1 Have Realistic Expectations
Secret #2 Sweat the Small Stuff
Secret #3 Consider Yourselves a Team
Secret #4 Remember the Little Things
Secret #5 Accentuate the Positive
Secret #6 Have Other Friendships
Secret #7 Spend Time Apart
Behen, Madonna. “The Seven Secrets of Lasting Love.” USA Weekend 27-29 April 2012.
Print.
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Finally an article on Magic Mike that takes the argument of those who oppose it (for certain reasons) all the way to its logical end.
ReplyDeleteIf you're against Magic Mike for reasons of "it creates unrealistic expectations for my marriage and I want to guard it" (which is just fine), than you better be ready to put that Twilight book down. And burn your Nicolas Sparks DVDs. And never watch another romantic comedy including Serendipity, You've Got Mail and How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days. All these paint an unrealistic expectation of "love".
Personally I think they paint of picture of unhealthy obsession, but I guess that's another topic for another day!
Great post! It needs to go viral!
Lovely blog! You've got some great style as well. :] I agree completely with your sentiments...whether appealing to the eye or the emotions, all of these movies/books/shows are completely unrealistic. (And for the record, I agree with Smitty, that Twilight might be one of the worst.)
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