here.: What a Well-Thought-Out Gift Says

If your love language is Gifts, it doesn't mean you are superficial. A well-thought-out gift is the key: it communicates knowledge of the recipient.

My top love language is Words of Affirmation (which I will discuss last), and Touch, Quality Time, and Gifts are all tied for my second place. I am slightly obsessed with buying presents for people. We re-assessed our budget this past spring, and I realized I needed to add a Present Line. I knew I was going to buy gifts each month, so I capped the amount of money I could spend this way. I explained to someone, "Saying I cannot buy presents for people is like telling me I cannot say, 'I love you.'"

I would define a "good gift" as one that meets the following criteria:

1) something I've wanted for a while (communicating you listen to and respect my needs and desires),

2) something to add to a collection I have (communicating you are observant of my likes),

3) something that reminds you of me--that represents me well (communicating you know me as a person and friend), and/or

4) something I wouldn't get for myself but want (communicating you think I'm worth it).

Giving a good gift requires attention to detail, which is why this love language means more than throwing money at a person. Though it isn't limited to special occasions (as giving a random present is an excellent idea for a Gifts friend or spouse), special occasions carry an extra weight of importance. Try as I might not to care, anniversaries, birthdays, and other holidays are overwhelmingly significant to me. The actual day needs to be celebrated. (With babies around, I know we might not be able to go out on the actual day, but I still need fanfare, even if at home.) If I say I don't want a present, that is my practical side taking over. You can ignore her.

I have to reiterate that the money spent isn't is important. When we were dating, Jay used to pick a leaf off of a bush every time he walked to my dorm to pick me up. Each time he handed me that free, random item, it was a little green sign of "I was thinking about you. You are important." If someone you love is Gifts, open your ears (perhaps keep a little notebook of ideas when you hear a desire communicated), and learn to love on a different level.

each post in this series

My father gives intensely wonderful presents: see the three images below (which were all for no reason gifts).