Wednesday, July 25, 2012

What a Well-Thought-Out Gift Says

If your love language is Gifts, it doesn't mean you are superficial. A well-thought-out gift is the key: it communicates knowledge of the recipient. 

My top love language is Words of Affirmation (which I will discuss last), and Touch, Quality Time, and Gifts are all tied for my second place. I am slightly obsessed with buying presents for people. We re-assessed our budget this past spring, and I realized I needed to add a Present Line. I knew I was going to buy gifts each month, so I capped the amount of money I could spend this way. I explained to someone, "Saying I cannot buy presents for people is like telling me I cannot say, 'I love you.'"

I would define a "good gift" as one that meets the following criteria:
1) something I've wanted for a while (communicating you listen to and respect my needs and desires),
2) something to add to a collection I have (communicating you are observant of my likes),
3) something that reminds you of me--that represents me well (communicating you know me as a person and friend), and/or
4) something I wouldn't get for myself but want (communicating you think I'm worth it).

Giving a good gift requires attention to detail, which is why this love language means more than throwing money at a person. Though it isn't limited to special occasions (as giving a random present is an excellent idea for a Gifts friend or spouse), special occasions carry an extra weight of importance. Try as I might not to care, anniversaries, birthdays, and other holidays are overwhelmingly significant to me. The actual day needs to be celebrated. (With babies around, I know we might not be able to go out on the actual day, but I still need fanfare, even if at home.) If I say I don't want a present, that is my practical side taking over. You can ignore her.

I have to reiterate that the money spent isn't is important. When we were dating, Jay used to pick a leaf off of a bush every time he walked to my dorm to pick me up. Each time he handed me that free, random item, it was a little green sign of "I was thinking about you. You are important." If someone you love is Gifts, open your ears (perhaps keep a little notebook of ideas when you hear a desire communicated), and learn to love on a different level. 

 each post in this series

My father gives intensely wonderful presents: see the three images below (which were all for no reason gifts).

One day the note below was on an old typewriter Dad bought me and left in my office.

Jay got me a stamp for my vast book collection. I've wanted this for more than ten years.

My mom gives great "I saw this and thought of you" presents.

Chapman, Gary. The 5 Love Languages. Chicago: Northfield, 1995. Print.

“The 5 Love Langugages.” The 5 Love Languages. Moody Publishers. n.d. Web. 11 May 2012.

this post is linked up with

holy experienceWIPWednesday


  1. Oh, I would love me an old typewriter like that. :)

  2. I get giddy over giving a good gift, too!

    Thanks for linking up!

    MB @newlifesteward

  3. What type of gifts you would like to use on Valentin's day?