I realize that the hectic start to my week has made this post late: my reflections on Sunday’s challenge to “have realistic expectations” (Behen 6). I’ll play some “catch up” and be back on track soon.
I thought and thought and thought, but came up with nothing. I think everything I expect of my husband is completely realistic, was my conclusion. I needed a man’s reflections, so I asked my husband. He loves a back rub; I love quality conversation, so I bribed him. (Note: it can be hard to get deep thoughts from your husband while you rub his tired shoulders; he tends to zone out.)
Despite the relaxation distraction, Jay came up with several good things he thinks some women shouldn’t, but sometimes do, expect their husbands to do:
- Give her everything she wants,
- Know everything she is thinking and needing and wanting,
- Change after marriage,
- Focus all energies on her, and
- Not need friendships outside of hers.
The hopes above paint the portrait of a money-factory, mind-reading, chameleon, never-sleeping, lonely fellow.
But a conversation with a friend tonight got me thinking about movies and their direct link to today’s topic. The buzz about Magic Mike is endless these days: the praise, the condemnation, the “it’s about time” comments. Does this film with Tatum Channing / Channing Tatum (I never remember which comes first.) dancing provocatively around in his skivvies give women unrealistic expectations of their husbands?
The question has caused an uproar for some; however, I’d like to light another fire. What about Nicolas Sparks? What about all those chick flicks? Are we not told by these films that wild romantic feelings should run full-force through our entire relationships? Forget that hope he will change after marriage; these movies tell us his mad love will remain mad forever: it will never change. And if he does something stupid, and you raise a protest, he’ll buy you the guitar you’ve always dreamed of, write you a beautiful love song and sing it to you over the speaker in an airplane—do whatever it takes to win you back (what I call the endless loop of the “grand gesture cycle”).
Maybe watching a hot guy in leather chaps isn’t the only possible distraction from realistic, lasting love. I'm not trying to point fingers, just to point out that the pointing can go in multiple directions. What's your distraction? I think it’s time for all of us to see what’s holding us back from loving our men as they are now while loving them towards the man they are made to be.
Behen, Madonna. “The Seven Secrets of Lasting Love.” USA Weekend 27-29 April 2012. Print.
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