inDEBTed

It is easy for me, an avid reader and literature professor, to reference Shakespeare, who was obviously aware of the Proverbs, as he echoes Proverbs 22:7 and 26-27 in Polonius’ advice to his son in Hamlet: “Neither a borrower nor a lender be.” These verses explain the risks of debt: you become a servant to the one you are indebted to (22:7). And then Solomon counsels us not to purchase things we aren’t able to pay for in the first place. When we do, those things don’t really belong to us, and the actual owner could come and take them away (22:26-27).

Debt is a bit of a dirty word in my house, but I realize that I live in a culture that embraces the convenience and instant gratification of borrowing. I’d like to focus here on the wisdom and satisfaction that can come from saving before spending. Perhaps one of the reasons debt is mentioned harshly by Solomon is because it can counteract other important characteristics and life skills the author says wise people have. Debt is often the temptation of the immediate or the perceived salvation for the ill-planned.

I’m not saying we’ve never had to borrow before. My parents have helped us out of a few scrapes. Throughout Jay’s graduate degree, we didn’t take out a single student loan. We lived carefully from paycheck to paycheck, but that meant little went into savings. Soon after Jay graduated, we found a house that my eight-month-pregnant brain and heart said we needed to own. My parents helped us with the down payment, and we knew we’d get a tax refund back within two months that would allow us to repay the loan. In my normal state, I had always wanted to save up a healthy down payment before purchasing our first home, but it was hard to argue with my hormonal soon-to-be-a-mom’s imposing need for more space for her coming child.

Many months later, when part of my logical brain re-engaged, I would think about the rushed decision to buy, and how perhaps we could have gotten a better deal on the house in general if we had waited until we saved up our own down payment. (Also, perhaps we would have been stuck for several months in a cramped apartment with a nursery that smelled like cat urine, so it’s hard to consider all the what if’s.)

When Jonas arrived, our car was too small. This time, though, we thought and acted differently. Jay worked a second job for a couple of months, and we are put away money to pay cash for a mini-van.

The lessons of patience, of working ahead instead of getting behind, of thinking about owning instead of owing: these are at the heart of the avoidance of debt. 

 Hard to believe it was over eight months ago when Jonas came into our lives, cramping our car and filling our hearts.

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Benefits of Long-Term Lovin

Sometimes I think back on the days of early romance and sigh. Wouldn’t it be great to capture that newness again? Sure, young love has its fun: when my accidental hand brushing up against his hand sent my spine into shivers. But there is something comforting in an old relationship, just like your favorite old jeans. They might not be as exciting or accentuate your curves quite as well as a brand new pair, but it doesn’t matter if you spill spaghetti sauce on them, and they fit even after you eat too much ice cream.

Speaking of spaghetti, you can eat it on a date with the one you’ve loved for ten years. You can order whatever you want to on the menu, in fact, without worrying that it will be too messy to eat or make you seem weight conscious. There’s no mixed message in you ordering the meatloaf or silent signals in your getting a salad.

One of my favorite bands, Fleming and John, have a song about this very topic called “Comfortable:”

I gotta to tell you how I’m feeling—I hope you don’t take it wrong: You know that I love you, and I’m not giving up. I gotta tell you how I’m feeling, in case you haven’t noticed. The mystery is gone; infatuation’s wearing off. I gotta tell you how I’m feeling—I think that you’ll agree: we’ve become predictable, but I really don’t mind being this comfortable.

This band has several songs on real love: the dreams and hopes, the longevity, the faith, the acknowledgment of what could go wrong. The best part? Fleming and John are husband and wife.

Every stable relationship has its positives and negatives. Sometimes we are pulled towards the negatives. I’m trying my best to spend more time in happiness and in the positive side of life, of seeing the benefits of being comfortable and the joys of when something out of the ordinary (flowers, a present for no reason, and extra hug, a surprise compliment) is given. If you are in a new relationship, relish it. And if you’ve been together for a while, relish it.

my paternal grandparents 60 years ago and today

Fleming and John. “Comfortable.” The Way We Are. Universal Records, 1999.  CD.

You can hear the song here. 

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Nice But Houses and Humility

Last night I was complaining to my mom about how the house I really wanted for our family just sold. If you’ve ever been on the house hunt, you’ve probably seen some Nice Buts: “It’s nice, but….” Several houses we’ve looked at before have some flaw, such as the yard being too little or the kitchen needing redone or the fourth bedroom being non-existent. But, this house that just sold…it had no buts. It was perfect. I saw us living there forever.

So last night I lay in bed feeling sorry for myself. And then I thought of a friend who was struggling with a horrible family crisis. And then I thought of my grandmother who is having health issues. And then I thought of another friend who is battling breast cancer she thought was in remission. The sufferings of people I love all swarmed into my heart.

I’m not usually one who dwells on the “count yourself blessed by looking at all those hurting around you” ideology, but one person after another came into my mind, and I started crying.

I was humbled. Immensely humbled.

Our condo has been on the market for months now; we are tired of cleaning it last minute for potential buyers who never buy, and we are ready for a bigger home and a backyard with a swing for Jack. But, you know what? Our condo is beautiful. It is a wonderful home, and I have always loved it. We feel safe. We have good neighbors. I can walk to work. We keep saying it is too small for the plans we have to adopt, but even if we put three kids in one room, this place is not really that small. We are beyond blessed.

I used to think that Galatians read, “You will reap what you sow.” I remember the day I saw it actually says, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).

This verse makes me think of two things: in the proper time. If we are meant to have a bigger house in the neighborhood we drive through and dream of, it will come. But right now, I think He’s trying to teach me a lesson on contentment. He’s blessed us so much already. My first post on this blog was a promise to myself to remember to be here, and for months I’ve been dreaming of our life there.

So I will hop online and search for some sort of way to get Jack a swing on our back deck, and we will keep cleaning for pop-in-potentials, and I will thank God that we have a lovely home here.

 Jay unlocking the door to our condo for the first time after we bought it.

 Our first visitor at the new place about three years ago: we said this was a good sign as we pretended it was Norris, the same bunny from the apartments we lived in down the road before we bought our condo.

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Purpose in an Enchanting Career

I have had the great fortune to grow up in a family where sowing talents and working for the Lord are two important mantras. Both of my grandfathers went back to school later in life because of their love of learning and growing. All of my grandparents have or had walls lined with shelves filled with books. We are a family that values education, reaching our full potential, and working at our talents for the Lord.

We are designed for specific tasks, the ultimate being to worship God with the talents He has blessed us with. “We are all God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10). These words can seem a heavy burden, trying to figure out what God wants us to do with our lives—but I prefer to see it as uplifting: God has known our life’s purposes before we had life. He blessed us each with specific gifts, and we need to “live a life worthy of the calling” He has set up for us (Ephesians 4:1).  

I have many callings in life; one of those is to be an educator. Six years ago I was ready to give up the teaching profession entirely, but I starting working at O'More College of Design and have been captivated ever since: with being a professor, with sharing my love of literature and writing, and with the school herself. 

Below is a photographic tribute to my place of employment, a place that gives me more than a paycheck, but a sense of fulfillment and enchantment. As I walk the campus, enjoy book club with co-coworkers, plan each semester's syllabus, have tea with a student, and teach my courses, I do not forget that, as I am working towards living a life "worthy of the calling," God has blessed me immensely with this place and with these people.  

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